The Bible According to
KIDS
The
cute statements below are said to have been written by actual students and are
genuine, authentic and not retouched or corrected:
In
the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so
he took the Sabbath off.
Adam
and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's
wife was called Joan of Ark.
Noah
built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
Lot's
wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
Samson
was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
Samson
slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
Moses
led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread
without any ingredients.
The
Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
Afterwards,
Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
The
first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
The
fifth commandment is to humor thy father and mother.
The
seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.(dare we add "for 7
months!")
Moses
died before he ever reached Canada.
Then
Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
The
greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he
obeyed him.
David
was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.
He
fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
Solomon,
one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
When
Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
When
the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the
manager.
Jesus
was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
St.
John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
Jesus
enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one
to you.
He
also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."
It
was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone
off the entrance.
The
people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
The
epistles were the wives of the apostles.
One
of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taxi man.
St.
Paul cavorted to Christianity. He
preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
A
Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.