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Things I've learned from my children:

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 square foot house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound child wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.  However, it is strong enough when tied to a can of paint to sling paint on all four walls of a 20-foot by 20-foot room.

5. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.  A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. Windows with double-pane glass will not stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words: "Uh oh," it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke and lots of it.

9. A 6-year-old child can start a fire with a flint rock, although a 36-year-old man says that it’s only done in the movies.

10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old child.

11. Play-Doh and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super-Glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, although TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably don’t wanna know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before turning it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. However, it will make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.