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USAF Aircraft Maintenance Squawks

Actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.  "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews.

Squawk: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

Reply: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Squawk: Test flight OK, except Autoland very rough.

Reply: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

Squawk: #2 propeller seeping prop fluid.

Reply: #2 propeller seepage normal.

Squawk: #1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage.

Reply: (none)

Squawk: The Autopilot doesn’t.

Reply: IT DOES NOW!

Squawk: Something loose in cockpit.

Reply: Something tightened in cockpit.

Squawk: Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.

Reply: Evidence removed.

Squawk: #3 engine missing.

Reply: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Squawk: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Reply: Volume set to more believable level.

Squawk: Dead bugs on windshield.

Reply: Live bugs on order.

Squawk: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces 200-FPM descent.

Reply: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Squawk: IFF inoperative.
Reply: IFF inoperative in "OFF" mode.

Squawk: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

Reply: That’s what they’re there for.

Squawk: Suspected crack in windscreen.
Reply: Suspect you're right.

Squawk: Aircraft handles funny.
Reply: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Squawk: Target Radar hums.
Reply: Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words.

Squawk: Mouse in cockpit.
Reply: Cat installed.