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Wit of Will Rogers

· When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

· Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.

· If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

· If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.

· After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him ... The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

· Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

· There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.

· If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.

· Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

· It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

· The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

· Don't squat with your spurs on.

· Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

· Never miss a good chance to shut up.

· Always drink upstream from the herd.